Reverie on Cargo Pants

I bought a pair of (men's) cargo pants for an abandoned Halloween costume. I have worn them in public once (despite the possible fashion faux pas), and they have made me realize how non-functional female clothing is.

Most importantly, POCKETS! The primary pair of pockets (on the front near the belt) fits almost my entire forearms. Then, cavernous back pockets, and massive pouches by my thighs that could probably hold an entire Thanksgiving meal's worth of snacks with room for an iPad and more to spare. My normal jeans, which I chose because they have actual pockets that could fit stuff, still barely fit my reasonably sized phone and earbuds, and even then there's still spillage. As a female, it's a luxury not to have to dig in a purse or try to budget how much I can carry when going out - just bringing a phone and a wallet can be a stretch on my jeans.

Second, these pants are not made to be skin tight. My bootcut jeans still hug my butt, hips, and thighs and they're baggy compared to the skinny jeans I abhor. While I know these cargo pants are not made with the female form in mind, even the too-small pair I tried on had plenty of room for my legs to breathe. I now know why guys  find shopping so much easier - they only have to worry about two explicit measurements, while girls have to guess at a million different little variations in size, style, length, and fit - a size 10 tells you almost nothing. I now know that a 34-32 with a belt is close enough, if I ever want to try this experiment again.

Also, the fabric, an olive canvas, hides dirt, doesn't wrinkle, and is pretty comfortable. It's a casual alternative to my usual blue jeans, which have a bad tendency to get beat up and torn.

Despite the social stigma and the awkward bulge of fabric at the crotch when I sit down, I really like these pants. I'm not going to wear them to work, but they seem to work great as casual or concert wear. I don't think I'm going to go out of my way to get more, but I really like the pair I got and will probably keep wearing them.

I suppose the gender-swapped analogue is guys going for girl's skinny jeans, which I've heard that people do with mixed results.

Overall, though, I think the guys got the better end of the deal.

 

Self-Help, part 2

There seem to be two basic approaches that most self-help books take. They propose either:

You relinquish control and become one with the universe, going with the flow and going wherever life takes you (this is the approach most religious-ish and/or meditation-focused books suggest)

OR

You act as though you own everything that impacts your life, regardless of whether or not it is actually your fault (this seems to be the approach of the books with "f*ck" in the title or the ones that claim to be "different").

You either accept that nothing is under your control or that everything is - there seems to be little acknowledgement of any middle ground. Sometimes it feels like you're in control of a lot, but sometimes, sh*t just happens. *

So what's the better approach? Do you channel Oprah and friends, and trust that the universe wants what is best for you and that what happens happens and everything will come out fine? Or do you go Mark Manson and take ownership of everything, but choose where and when you actively dole out your f*cks so that the weight of the universe does not overwhelm you? 

On one hand, there are a lot of studies that show that meditation, accepting and letting go, are good - really good - for people's mental and physical well being. On the other, there are also studies that allowing people a feeling of control can increase pain tolerance and empower people to actually change things for the better.

I guess the different approaches have to work for different types of people. Otherwise, we'd all be enslaved to Oprah's book club.

Personally, I still haven't figured out where I can draw the line between being in control of myself and not being in control of myself. For example, I would hope that I have control over my own brain, but at the same time, I'm taking medication to try to wrangle rogue elements into submission. I don't really feel like I have control over my own brain chemistry. 

Figuring out the line between things I can control and things I can't is another check box on the way to "being an adult", I suppose, but if both Oprah and Augusten Burroughs haven't figured it out yet either, being either all or nothing, I suppose I shouldn't be too had on myself about it.



*I suppose the main books I'm thinking of are "The Secret" and the "Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**ck"- Google them, I'm feeling lazy - as examples of these extremes.
**We're a family friendly blog here. Get the f!ck out, $&^$%.

How to Write a Self Help Book in Nine Easy Steps

Have you ever wanted to write an award winning self help book? Here's how!

1. Come up with a catchy title. Be sure to include at least one of the following words or phrases on the cover: happiness, magic, "fix your life", "change your life", passion, invigorate, communication, determination.  Use bright colors and weirdly incongruous imagery - gotta catch the eye of those ever-dwindling bookshop patrons!
2. Claim that this book is "not like all the others" for one of the following reasons  - it's a "revolutionary new technique",  it's "scientifically based",  it contains precepts of Buddhism but is totally not religious, it's a self-conscious parody, "nobody else has done this" or that it will "redefine how you see the world". 
3. Compliment your gullible reader on being wise enough and smart enough to buy this book - and make you some sweet sweet royalty money.
4. Here's the important part - the actual advice. If you've got a certain technique or practice that you've vaguely hear helps people, tell stories of how people implement it and how it totally changed their life, while remaining vague and indistinct about how to actually use said practice or technique in your reader's own life. Feel free to bullsh*t as much as you want here - you can claim that "names were changed to protect privacy" and make up whatever you want - nobody can actually check you on any of it. Use Unnecessary Capitalization to emphasize things in order to make it look like you actually have a System. 
5. If you don't have any actual ideas, all the best self help concepts were in "How to Win Friends and Influence People" first. Just rename them with more Unnecessary Capitalization, and you've got yourself a Bestseller.
6. This is important - while giving your advice, reference your website, blog, podcast, or your own self-published papers - multiple times. It will seem like you know more than you actually do and will drive clicks to give you that sweet sweet ad revenue - gotta get it where you can find it, right?
7. Optionally, include summary bullet points at the end of each chapter. If you have any actual points, these can summarize them in an easily readable fashion and essentially make the rest of the chapter moot. 
8. Conclude with a touching story of how you personally implemented your System/Technique/Organizational Method/Whatever You Called It. Make sure it's either disturbingly unnecessarily personal or so full of dropped names it  makes an Oscars after-party newscast look tame. If you did drugs, had a family member get sick, or got to talk to Oprah or the president, this is the time to wring it for all that it's worth. It will give you some credibility and make you sympathetic, making people more likely to check out your other stuff and make you more money.
9. Your last sentence should be happy, pithy, and memorable, while meaning absolutely nothing at all and leaving your reader feeling strangely motivated, yet directionless. Let's be honest - if you actually fixed people, you would destroy the market for your sequel. 

*No, I'm totally not vindictive. I've just read a lot of these type of books looking for anything of substance and coming up mostly blank. So no - totally not vindictive.
 If you're actively looking for self-help that makes you feel better, I personally recommend the Zen of Zombie, the Supervillain Handbook, or How to Survive a Horror Movie, all of which make me laugh out loud and feel good for a little bit, and all of which contain some actual useful advice, depending on your situation. 
Anything that claims to be serious is selling something.*

Top Ten Things that make Imagineering Different

*Please note that all opinions expressed are mine and mine only. I do not represent Disney, Walt Disney Imagineering, or any other entity other than myself in any capacity, official or otherwise.*

Since the majority of my views other than the Russian/German bots and my father (Hi Dad!) are still coming from a Disney intern blog aggregator, some of you might be interested in what I think about working for the Mouse. (Also, I like the sound of my own keyboard.)

Because the Internet loves top ten lists, here are the top ten things that make working for Walt Disney Imagineering different, in no particular order:

1. There is a lot of money involved.  Not as much as, say, an oil refinery, but there are copious amounts of zeroes tacked on to the end of many numbers in unexpected places.
2. People genuinely care about the source material. I know people might think that a lot of the new stuff going into the parks is just money grabs, but the people working on it and building it genuinely care. The people I work with on Star Wars Galaxy's Edge still are hugely passionate and excited about the movies and extended universe(s), and take great care and pride in bringing in their favorite little bits. 
3.  Everything has a code name. It was a bit of a shock when coming in - WDI is worse than the military for inscrutable code names and acronyms. For example, Pandora at Animal Kingdom was known as Project Morpho before it was completed. This is done in theory to prevent spoilers and allow the company to file building permits and the like without screaming WE ARE BUILDING AVATAR!!! but really, sometimes the code names just sound cooler. But seriously, secrecy is taken very seriously.
4. Everyone is really smart at something. There is an intimidating amount of brainpower and talent at WDI. Everyone seems really quick on their feet and excited to learn new things, which leads to a really dynamic work environment. Everyone seems to have at least one thing that they are scary good at, like programming or baking or drawing or storytelling or Excel or something completely off the wall.
5. People play along. The company threw a party and invited the Black Panther and the Dora Milaje to come and take pictures (as one does). As His Highness was leaving the photo area to take a break, almost everyone he passed unironically gave the crossed-arm Wakandan salute. People are genuinely dedicated to protecting the magic and mystique that surrounds the Disney stories almost to a fault, and will go along with almost anything.
6. The dress code is loose. No need for casual Fridays, no need to shave - the dress code at Imagineering is a lot more lenient than in any guest-facing role - or in any other corporate environment I've been in. My boss has a magnificent (sort-of) beard, the guy down the hall has a mohawk he occasionally dyes electric blue, and I can come into work wearing jeans, t-shirt, and Vans every day. It's glorious.
7. The big names get their hands dirty. As noted in a previous post, the Bobs (Weis + Chapek + Iger), Joe Rohde, and other big names are often on campus or on site. I actually work with awesome people like Robin Reardon, Scott Trowbridge, and Jon Georges, and can assure you that not only are their faces pretty, but they work extremely hard and are great at what they do.
8. There is a lot of focus on personal and cross-disciplinary development. Full time Imagineers get the legendary "Self Directed Development Allowance", an allowance to be spent on personal professional development. Outside of that, speakers (sometimes with big names) regularly get invited to give talks on what they do and how they do it. I've seen talks on everything from biomimicry to happiness to concrete forming (more interesting than it sounds), and I didn't have to look very far.
9. Tradition is important. No one is allowed to forget Walt Disney or Mickey Mouse. Some conference rooms and hallways are named after legendary Imagineers. Part of onboarding is a (sanitized) history lesson on the Disney company, the Disney Parks, and Imagineering.
10. Story is King.  Most importantly, everything that happens at Imagineering is in service of a story. Little details are added to add character. Cuts and adds are made with consideration to an overall storyline. Every crack in the rock, every queue line, every divot in the pavement, every piece of writing, every safety feature, every piece of merchandise is made with a story in mind. It might not always be obvious, but the scavenger hunt aspect makes it fun to create and explore. There is a story basis for almost every decision that gets made  - and that's what makes Disney different.

That's just a few random thoughts and observations from my time interning there. If you want to know anything more (other than project specifics lol) please leave a comment. Even I occasionally need the ego boost. 

As always, have a magical day.

My Most Rational Irrational Fear

Since second grade, I have seen the world through two panes of glass. It started when I had a little trouble seeing the board in class, which led to my first pair of massive-for-my-face tortoiseshell spectacles, which I proudly showed off to everyone I knew and would not take off, even for recess. 

Every year or so since then, the lenses have gotten thicker, the squinting has gotten worse, and the percentage of people I can beat in a "hey-let-me-try-on-your-glasses" contest has increased (though thankfully the progression has become more logarithmic than exponential in the past few years).

I have an irrational fear of going blind - and it isn't completely unfounded.

I am pretty severely myopic, with an astigmatism in my right eye (in English, very near-sighted with a weird shape in the back of my eye). I've also read way to much about macular degeneration causing vision loss in those with severe myopia (disconnect between the retina/image capturing part and the optic nerve), so I'd say my fear is not unfounded.

When I look at myself in the mirror unaided, my face looks like Edward Munch's Scream or Doctor Who's Silence - pits for eyes, not much of a nose, splotchy skin, a hole for a mouth. The rest of everything looks like a Mark Rothko painting - defined colors and shapes that definitely mean something, but the edges are undefined.

That I can't see well without my glasses has led to some odd behavior on my part. I have a habit of closing my eyes or leaving the light off to try to navigate a room I know without seeing it, just in case. I'm not bad at it, either. To my mother's chagrin, I am really bad at parting my hair, because unless I am right up against the mirror, I literally cannot see it clearly. Similarly, makeup - if my focal length is about 8-12 inches on a bad day, and my hand takes up three of those, there's no way I can actually see what I am doing in a mirror while holding another 2-6 inches worth of make-up applicators. Beyond just fidgeting, I touch or fiddle with a lot of stuff unconsciously just to get a sense of the textures. I am hyper-reactive to loud sounds, and sometimes paranoid about people sneaking up to me because my peripheral vision is uncorrected. My ears are just about as important to me at sensing my environment as my eyes are. I have worn my massive prescription sunglasses indoors on more than one occasion just because I would rather look like a huge jerk than not be able to see.

Beyond that, I tend to be hypersensitive with anything coming near my eyes, from eye drops to the glaucoma machine at the eye doctor's to raindrops. When I play soccer, I unconsciously make liberal use of the handball exception for protecting one's face. I'm not great around bright lights or fireworks.  I'm kinda terrified of contacts. And again, I suck at makeup.

For what it's worth, I can actually function surprisingly well for someone with really bad eyesight. I can get around, avoid most obstacles, and perform tasks without glasses (although they all tell me not to hold the phone that close to my face because I'll ruin my eyes - too late).

At the end of the day, despite the minor paranoia, do I really think I'm going to go blind?

Not in the near future, but-

There seems to be a trend toward getting worse, so who knows? Also, apparently, the powers that be have cured blindness in mice, so maybe by the time I need it, that procedure will make my fears completely moot. Also, Pokemon taught me how to read braille.

I just hope I'll be able to see it coming, but for now, I think I'll be fine.

Disconnects with Demigods

I'm not trying to brag here, but -

I've seen Joe Rhode hanging out in a parking lot.
I've seen Bob Iger and Bob Chapek walking out of a Starbucks
I've seen Bob Weiss eating a hot dog
Scott Trowbrige sits near me - he  does a great TIE fighter impersonation.

If you're a big Disney parks fan, you would probably know all these people. Hell, some other blogs treat some of these guys like the second coming of Walt himself. The times I encounter someone who society treats as celebrity or demigod, there's this weird moment of disconnection, like, "That one guy from that one movie is right there - I could touch him!" or "I thought he'd be more crazy," or, as someone not entirely sarcastically remarked, "Oh my gosh, Bob Iger drinks coffee - he's just like the rest of us!"

The thing about Disney, especially the area I'm in, is that they are an entertainment company that does construction. That leads to some surreal discussions, when you learn that hiring actor X for Y minutes of content on ride Z is just another contract, that some impossible illusion actually works like this and is really easy to make, that [pie-in-the-sky really futuristic technology] is just another couple of months of development on the schedule. And that there's always the argument of "better show" to justify that extra [fill-in-the-blank].

And yet, it takes demigods among us to make it happen. I mean, how do you make a Star Wars land with out [redacted], [censored], and [withheld], right? How do you make that work without [blocked] technology? And how would it hold together without [excised]? Also, [cut],[--------], and ◼️◼️◼️◼️◼️!

Those people on the press videos that you see energetically pointing and talking about how amazing it all is are actually real - and they actually do stuff! The characters in the marketing material are not only characters, but real people, and some I actually get to work with, to argue with, to be mentored by, and to consume donuts they bring on occasion - and yet they also get thousands of hits on Disney YouTube teasers that I watched voraciously in the months leading up to working there.

Also not to brag, but the powers that be were able to get one of the producers of Black Panther to come and give a talk. He emphasized that you really buy into a place when you see food being eaten - thus, there is a deliberate two second shot of sizzling chicken at a food cart in Wakanda.

I think that also works in real life - seeing people eat and drink and converse and tell stories helps bridge the disconnect between who we think people really are and who they really are - and it reminds us that those we hold up as gods are just as human as the rest of us.

I d[ o_0 ]b LA

So I've survived the internship intact for about two months at this point. All is going really well, and about everything I can tell you about what I'm working on can be found on the Disney Parks Blog or in this Galactic Nights video.

The global headquarters for Imagineering is, as many of you probably know, in Glendale, California, which is a lot closer to Los Angeles proper than my hometown. As such, I've been exploring the sights and sounds of everything the LA area has to offer, from chilling out in Westwood to exploring Griffith Park to checking out the infamous Hollywood Boulevard.

Hollywood Boulevard gets a lot of crap for not living up to expectations - it's busy, it smells like pee and weed, random people will harass you with their mix tape, and nightmarish off-brand characters will try to get you to take pictures with them. Despite the hype, stars don't hang out there beyond scripted, highly guarded events, the Grauman's Chinese theater is usually cordoned off, and you'd be lucky to take of a picture of your star's star on the Walk of Fame without getting bowled over by walking traffic. However,

I find it fascinating.

Not for the reason you'd think. Slight detour - 

Down the freeway a bit, in downtown LA, you'll find an old abandoned hotel that looks a little familiar. The Bradbury Building was used as one of the core sets in Blade Runner*, a favorite movie of mine starring Harrison Ford as an ex-cop who hunts down robots.

Blade Runner has been hailed for decades as the quintessential cyberpunk experience. Some say that it touched off the whole movement. Cyberpunk is a genre that incorporates futuristic technologies into stories of the everyman sticking it to The Man, all bathed in a neon glow. The cyberpunk movement came to prominence in the 1980's as a revolt against boring, unrealistic Utopian visions of  the future in favor of gritty, more "realistic" dystopian dreams.

Back to Hollywood Boulevard - it's the cyberpunk aesthetic realized in the real world - and nobody was even trying. The huge overwrought structures of the Hollywood and Highland complex and the El Capitan theater and all the pageantry and classic architecture that was supposed to be the playground of the rich and famous has been taken over (except for said scripted and secured events) by the destitute and desperate. The reclamation by those locked out of the higher echelons of society has, in a sense, been aided by the advancement of technology - even the guy begging with a fast food soda cup has a smart phone and accepts Venmo. Everyone is trying to get their shot, break the system a little, see what goes on at the celebrity level - all while celebrities are off in Malibu. All this, bathed in the glow of brightly lit electronic billboards promising girls, food, tech - and of course, the classic neon.

The classic cyberpunk stories were all about asking the tough questions of what it meant - what it means - to be human, to be alive. On Hollywood, you see all sorts - rich, poor, locals, tourists, celebrities, gawkers, etc. - all painfully alive, yet apart from each other.

It's a reminder that technology doesn't solve all problems, and that the future sucks - at least if you're on the wrong side of the stantions.

But hey - better an action-packed dystopia where you could win the lottery than a boring utopia, right?



*Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep, by Phillip K. Dick, on which Blade Runner is based, is often cited as the first cyberpunk novel and is a great book, regardless. Lead underwear, anyone?

Imposter

"Hi, this is Frank C[inaudible] and - "
we decided that we don't need an intern, thanks for playing, maybe next year
"I just want to let you know about what you'll be doing your first day."

"Dear Miss R, we would like to remind you that - "
your grades suck and so do you and so you don't deserve any of this and this is obviously a cruel cruel joke
"you will need to bring your documents for your I9 form when you come in."

"Hi, just want to give you an update - "
the position has been terminated again and you will again have to drudge through another useless semester
"We finished your background check and we need you to check in to the new hire portal ASAP, m'kay?"


There's this thing bouncing around on the Internet called the Impostor Syndrome. The big idea is that extremely competent people feel like they don't deserve to be where they are, that they are just faking, that at any moment someone who is actually competent will figure them all out and "expose" them. This fear of being "found out" tends to lead to a state of constant anxiety, which can impede competence, which leads to more fear. I first came across this idea in an article about why there aren't more girls in engineering - females are apparently more prone to this kind of self-competence-killing mental spiral.

I've never thought I was good enough - even when I was at the top of my game, acing classes and taking names, there was some small part of me that knew I was doing something wrong - I was outside of the paradigm of the ideal popular athletic smart girl that I thought was the goal - but, as that goal is pretty much unobtainable by mortals, it made me kinda miserable all the time.

And at some point, because of it, I decided to stop caring - because if I can't be perfect, then what's the point of trying, way?

One of the things I'm working on is realizing that I am enough - I don't have to check off all the boxes of the "perfect person" checklist, I am allowed to screw up, and that I am more competent than I seem to be. It's also realizing that everyone else is kinda faking it, too. Part of my challenge this year is to realize that imperfection is okay, that I don't have to be everything to every one, and that I can fall down every once in a while, and I can still get back up.

And if nothing else, I have to remember that it's not falling if you never hit the floor - it's flying.

Last Chance to Breathe

Today was my last day off for the next nine days.

The next four will be wrapping up my current position as a bakery wrapper at Sam's Club, after which, I will hurriedly shove clothes into a bag, shove some food in my face, and drive down to my grandparents' house in Glendale (driving at night, of course - LA weekend traffic is not nice). I will start my internship on Monday, January 29th, in Glendale, and then bust my butt back to my parents' house to do the infamous Disney Traditions class on that Friday morning, and the not-so-famous Imagineering Orientation on the next Monday. Somewhere in there, I need to get someone to give me the tour of the construction site.

After that, who knows? The people I talked to mentioned the possibility of having me be a roving intern, going back and forth between Glendale and Anaheim, because I am lucky enough to have crash pads close-ish to both locations, but from what I can gather, most of my team is based  in Glendale, so I guess I'll end up doing whatever they need me to.

I will try to find time to blog.

Some questions for those of you who stumble upon this blog out of the blue and want ANSWERS, answers, man! (and maybe the family and friends who keep making Russian bots to keep my views up)-

- Would you watch a vlog about my PI?
- Do you want more application tips, which are pretty easy to find? Or do you want more about the experience? Basically, what kind of stuff do you want to read about? (keep in mind, this time, my application process was pretty atypical)
-  What are you most curious about? Not just at Disney, though that will probably feature predominantly, but in general? What can I find out more about to pontificate grandiosely for you?

This may be the last one for a while, so I'll see ya when I see ya.

Never Tell Me the Odds!

Okay, all you aspirants from lifeanchoredinhope.blogspot.com - I'm relevant again.

Despite having awful grades, despite applying really late, and despite accidentally hanging up on someone important (darn Glendale area code throwing me off), I am proud to announce that I have yet again accepted an internship at Disney, this time as an "Intern-Estimating" with Walt Disney Imagineering in Glendale starting January 29. Holy %^&*#!, right?!

How did this come to pass? I applied online in November-ish, got a call and passed the first-round interview, got told that the position was removed for "administrative reasons", resigned myself to normalcy, got a call asking about my availability but telling me not to hold on to too much hope, held on to too much hope, again resigned myself to normalcy, got a call from an 818 number that I thought was spam*, hung up, got an email telling me to call ASAP, called ASAP, talked my way out of going to Florida, got a call from the same 818 area code number for a second round interview while sitting in some random parking lot in Westwood, got an email the next morning, got a call to confirm the job, and finally, e-signed the document saying that I accepted the position.

Easy-peasy.

So why did I get this job? It was obviously my rugged good looks and charm.
Really, I probably had some really good marks in my file from last time and was probably the most experientially qualified out of very few candidates. The job listing was still up a lot later than most of the Spring internships, so I assume that they had trouble getting candidates. Not to sell myself short, though - I do have two pretty prestigious project management type internships under my belt and I'm pretty damn smart. That was enough to balance out my rocky educational stats, I guess.

What's the plan moving forward? I am going to be bouncing back and forth between Anaheim and Glendale, taking an online class, and taking every advantage of the free park entrance. I'm going to keep getting counselling on the weekends (my head's still not quite where I want it to be) and keep practicing self care. I'm really hoping to make some new friends, which should help. I also plan to do a better job keeping up the blog this time. I will be under an NDA about specifics, again, but I should be able to post some cool stories.

How am I feeling? Overall, I'm stoked beyond belief. This is my dream job. Despite having to practically live out of my car, I think it's all going to be worth it.

Again, if anyone has any questions, comments, or otherwise, feel free to comment, or email me at g14racer@gmail.com. I kinda suck at replying, but I will try to get back to you.


*The guy said his name was Frank C[inaudible], which, after just watching The Punisher series, I thought was Frank Castle and the guy was pulling my leg. Oops.