Self-Help, part 2

There seem to be two basic approaches that most self-help books take. They propose either:

You relinquish control and become one with the universe, going with the flow and going wherever life takes you (this is the approach most religious-ish and/or meditation-focused books suggest)

OR

You act as though you own everything that impacts your life, regardless of whether or not it is actually your fault (this seems to be the approach of the books with "f*ck" in the title or the ones that claim to be "different").

You either accept that nothing is under your control or that everything is - there seems to be little acknowledgement of any middle ground. Sometimes it feels like you're in control of a lot, but sometimes, sh*t just happens. *

So what's the better approach? Do you channel Oprah and friends, and trust that the universe wants what is best for you and that what happens happens and everything will come out fine? Or do you go Mark Manson and take ownership of everything, but choose where and when you actively dole out your f*cks so that the weight of the universe does not overwhelm you? 

On one hand, there are a lot of studies that show that meditation, accepting and letting go, are good - really good - for people's mental and physical well being. On the other, there are also studies that allowing people a feeling of control can increase pain tolerance and empower people to actually change things for the better.

I guess the different approaches have to work for different types of people. Otherwise, we'd all be enslaved to Oprah's book club.

Personally, I still haven't figured out where I can draw the line between being in control of myself and not being in control of myself. For example, I would hope that I have control over my own brain, but at the same time, I'm taking medication to try to wrangle rogue elements into submission. I don't really feel like I have control over my own brain chemistry. 

Figuring out the line between things I can control and things I can't is another check box on the way to "being an adult", I suppose, but if both Oprah and Augusten Burroughs haven't figured it out yet either, being either all or nothing, I suppose I shouldn't be too had on myself about it.



*I suppose the main books I'm thinking of are "The Secret" and the "Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**ck"- Google them, I'm feeling lazy - as examples of these extremes.
**We're a family friendly blog here. Get the f!ck out, $&^$%.