"Hi, this is Frank C[inaudible] and - "
we decided that we don't need an intern, thanks for playing, maybe next year
"I just want to let you know about what you'll be doing your first day."
"Dear Miss R, we would like to remind you that - "
your grades suck and so do you and so you don't deserve any of this and this is obviously a cruel cruel joke
"you will need to bring your documents for your I9 form when you come in."
"Hi, just want to give you an update - "
the position has been terminated again and you will again have to drudge through another useless semester
"We finished your background check and we need you to check in to the new hire portal ASAP, m'kay?"
There's this thing bouncing around on the Internet called the Impostor Syndrome. The big idea is that extremely competent people feel like they don't deserve to be where they are, that they are just faking, that at any moment someone who is actually competent will figure them all out and "expose" them. This fear of being "found out" tends to lead to a state of constant anxiety, which can impede competence, which leads to more fear. I first came across this idea in an article about why there aren't more girls in engineering - females are apparently more prone to this kind of self-competence-killing mental spiral.
I've never thought I was good enough - even when I was at the top of my game, acing classes and taking names, there was some small part of me that knew I was doing something wrong - I was outside of the paradigm of the ideal popular athletic smart girl that I thought was the goal - but, as that goal is pretty much unobtainable by mortals, it made me kinda miserable all the time.
And at some point, because of it, I decided to stop caring - because if I can't be perfect, then what's the point of trying, way?
One of the things I'm working on is realizing that I am enough - I don't have to check off all the boxes of the "perfect person" checklist, I am allowed to screw up, and that I am more competent than I seem to be. It's also realizing that everyone else is kinda faking it, too. Part of my challenge this year is to realize that imperfection is okay, that I don't have to be everything to every one, and that I can fall down every once in a while, and I can still get back up.
And if nothing else, I have to remember that it's not falling if you never hit the floor - it's flying.
Friday, January 26, 2018
Wednesday, January 24, 2018
Last Chance to Breathe
Today was my last day off for the next nine days.
The next four will be wrapping up my current position as a bakery wrapper at Sam's Club, after which, I will hurriedly shove clothes into a bag, shove some food in my face, and drive down to my grandparents' house in Glendale (driving at night, of course - LA weekend traffic is not nice). I will start my internship on Monday, January 29th, in Glendale, and then bust my butt back to my parents' house to do the infamous Disney Traditions class on that Friday morning, and the not-so-famous Imagineering Orientation on the next Monday. Somewhere in there, I need to get someone to give me the tour of the construction site.
After that, who knows? The people I talked to mentioned the possibility of having me be a roving intern, going back and forth between Glendale and Anaheim, because I am lucky enough to have crash pads close-ish to both locations, but from what I can gather, most of my team is based in Glendale, so I guess I'll end up doing whatever they need me to.
I will try to find time to blog.
Some questions for those of you who stumble upon this blog out of the blue and want ANSWERS, answers, man! (and maybe the family and friends who keep making Russian bots to keep my views up)-
- Would you watch a vlog about my PI?
- Do you want more application tips, which are pretty easy to find? Or do you want more about the experience? Basically, what kind of stuff do you want to read about? (keep in mind, this time, my application process was pretty atypical)
- What are you most curious about? Not just at Disney, though that will probably feature predominantly, but in general? What can I find out more about to pontificate grandiosely for you?
This may be the last one for a while, so I'll see ya when I see ya.
The next four will be wrapping up my current position as a bakery wrapper at Sam's Club, after which, I will hurriedly shove clothes into a bag, shove some food in my face, and drive down to my grandparents' house in Glendale (driving at night, of course - LA weekend traffic is not nice). I will start my internship on Monday, January 29th, in Glendale, and then bust my butt back to my parents' house to do the infamous Disney Traditions class on that Friday morning, and the not-so-famous Imagineering Orientation on the next Monday. Somewhere in there, I need to get someone to give me the tour of the construction site.
After that, who knows? The people I talked to mentioned the possibility of having me be a roving intern, going back and forth between Glendale and Anaheim, because I am lucky enough to have crash pads close-ish to both locations, but from what I can gather, most of my team is based in Glendale, so I guess I'll end up doing whatever they need me to.
I will try to find time to blog.
Some questions for those of you who stumble upon this blog out of the blue and want ANSWERS, answers, man! (and maybe the family and friends who keep making Russian bots to keep my views up)-
- Would you watch a vlog about my PI?
- Do you want more application tips, which are pretty easy to find? Or do you want more about the experience? Basically, what kind of stuff do you want to read about? (keep in mind, this time, my application process was pretty atypical)
- What are you most curious about? Not just at Disney, though that will probably feature predominantly, but in general? What can I find out more about to pontificate grandiosely for you?
This may be the last one for a while, so I'll see ya when I see ya.
Tuesday, January 16, 2018
Never Tell Me the Odds!
Okay, all you aspirants from lifeanchoredinhope.blogspot.com - I'm relevant again.
Despite having awful grades, despite applying really late, and despite accidentally hanging up on someone important (darn Glendale area code throwing me off), I am proud to announce that I have yet again accepted an internship at Disney, this time as an "Intern-Estimating" with Walt Disney Imagineering in Glendale starting January 29. Holy %^&*#!, right?!
How did this come to pass? I applied online in November-ish, got a call and passed the first-round interview, got told that the position was removed for "administrative reasons", resigned myself to normalcy, got a call asking about my availability but telling me not to hold on to too much hope, held on to too much hope, again resigned myself to normalcy, got a call from an 818 number that I thought was spam*, hung up, got an email telling me to call ASAP, called ASAP, talked my way out of going to Florida, got a call from the same 818 area code number for a second round interview while sitting in some random parking lot in Westwood, got an email the next morning, got a call to confirm the job, and finally, e-signed the document saying that I accepted the position.
Easy-peasy.
So why did I get this job? It was obviously my rugged good looks and charm.
Really, I probably had some really good marks in my file from last time and was probably the most experientially qualified out of very few candidates. The job listing was still up a lot later than most of the Spring internships, so I assume that they had trouble getting candidates. Not to sell myself short, though - I do have two pretty prestigious project management type internships under my belt and I'm pretty damn smart. That was enough to balance out my rocky educational stats, I guess.
What's the plan moving forward? I am going to be bouncing back and forth between Anaheim and Glendale, taking an online class, and taking every advantage of the free park entrance. I'm going to keep getting counselling on the weekends (my head's still not quite where I want it to be) and keep practicing self care. I'm really hoping to make some new friends, which should help. I also plan to do a better job keeping up the blog this time. I will be under an NDA about specifics, again, but I should be able to post some cool stories.
How am I feeling? Overall, I'm stoked beyond belief. This is my dream job. Despite having to practically live out of my car, I think it's all going to be worth it.
Again, if anyone has any questions, comments, or otherwise, feel free to comment, or email me at g14racer@gmail.com. I kinda suck at replying, but I will try to get back to you.
*The guy said his name was Frank C[inaudible], which, after just watching The Punisher series, I thought was Frank Castle and the guy was pulling my leg. Oops.
Despite having awful grades, despite applying really late, and despite accidentally hanging up on someone important (darn Glendale area code throwing me off), I am proud to announce that I have yet again accepted an internship at Disney, this time as an "Intern-Estimating" with Walt Disney Imagineering in Glendale starting January 29. Holy %^&*#!, right?!
How did this come to pass? I applied online in November-ish, got a call and passed the first-round interview, got told that the position was removed for "administrative reasons", resigned myself to normalcy, got a call asking about my availability but telling me not to hold on to too much hope, held on to too much hope, again resigned myself to normalcy, got a call from an 818 number that I thought was spam*, hung up, got an email telling me to call ASAP, called ASAP, talked my way out of going to Florida, got a call from the same 818 area code number for a second round interview while sitting in some random parking lot in Westwood, got an email the next morning, got a call to confirm the job, and finally, e-signed the document saying that I accepted the position.
Easy-peasy.
So why did I get this job? It was obviously my rugged good looks and charm.
Really, I probably had some really good marks in my file from last time and was probably the most experientially qualified out of very few candidates. The job listing was still up a lot later than most of the Spring internships, so I assume that they had trouble getting candidates. Not to sell myself short, though - I do have two pretty prestigious project management type internships under my belt and I'm pretty damn smart. That was enough to balance out my rocky educational stats, I guess.
What's the plan moving forward? I am going to be bouncing back and forth between Anaheim and Glendale, taking an online class, and taking every advantage of the free park entrance. I'm going to keep getting counselling on the weekends (my head's still not quite where I want it to be) and keep practicing self care. I'm really hoping to make some new friends, which should help. I also plan to do a better job keeping up the blog this time. I will be under an NDA about specifics, again, but I should be able to post some cool stories.
How am I feeling? Overall, I'm stoked beyond belief. This is my dream job. Despite having to practically live out of my car, I think it's all going to be worth it.
Again, if anyone has any questions, comments, or otherwise, feel free to comment, or email me at g14racer@gmail.com. I kinda suck at replying, but I will try to get back to you.
*The guy said his name was Frank C[inaudible], which, after just watching The Punisher series, I thought was Frank Castle and the guy was pulling my leg. Oops.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)